Friday, December 7, 2007

Show me the money!

Well, today was the big day. I did it. Before long, I may be writing to you from the private island that I will have bought using my lottery winnings. I have never done this before, buying a lottery ticket. I remember that once in an office party, a coworker brought one for a Yankee swap. Even then, amidst all the useless gifts, I didn’t feel adventurous enough to try to get the lottery ticket or hold on to it.

The cookie said though, repeatedly, that I had some lucky numbers. Not really having been too successful (so far) with deciphering my running sentence code, I didn’t think number decoding would go any better.

Not being a superstitious person, numerology was out of the question. I love that math makes sense and that things can be proven, so the idea that one could try to garner life meaning from numbers based on our birth dates is just dumb. As I was saying, the fortune cookie, which has guided my life into a state of calm introspection and healthy mental attitude, basically begged me to play the lottery.

I went into a convenience store today and instantly felt inadequate. There was a huge display of rolls of some sort with shiny decals and illustrations and things one can scratch off with the edge of a coin. The nice man behind the counter looks up after I say “excuse me.”

“Yes.” He barely looks at me.

“I would like to buy some lottery tickets,” I answer proudly.

“Which ones?” He starts going towards the display.

“The ones that will let me pick out my own numbers.” I tell him, even more proud of my confident stance.

“For which game?” He stares and waits.

I panicked. “Which are the games?” I ask acting like I knew but wanted to quizz him.
He rattles a bunch of them off. I still don’t know what the heck to do. Whatever the ones he told me last are the ones that I blurt out.

“How many?” Not another question! Please cookie, give me the strength to go through this, please!

Was there an etiquette thing about buying lottery tickets that I didn’t know? Was there a pre-pack deal with a coupon? Or do they come in sets? Did I have to upload the numbers myself from home? Did I need to punch some buttons now? I was starting to calm down and go into my happy place when a guy next to me kept clearing his throat. I thought it was meant for me to move it along but then I quickly realized it must have been a 40 year old smoking habit. I could have sworn I was standing next to an ashtray.

No matter though, because ashtray man had something I didn’t. He had Lottery power and I knew this because he was holding a scratched lottery ticket in his hand. He had come to cash that baby in. I guess I had been standing there thinking for a long time. I am sure the security cameras will back that up. The ashtray lottery expert man was clearing his throat again, this time impatiently so I went for a smart strategy. If I asked him how much they were, then whatever form the tickets came in, I could decide right there and then what I was going to get based on how much I wanted to spend.

“A dollar.” He answered rolling his eyes.

“Then I will take five!” I answered chipper and happy.

Cookie, this is when I noticed your power. I looked around my pockets and I got a wad of my fortunes out and handed them to him. He looked so emotionless he was obviously in a state of transcendent meditative state. He asked me if this was Chinese food things that I was handing him, because I know he couldn’t possibly believe that such wisdom could solely be attached to a pu-pu platter.

I should tell you, cookie, you need to work on your power strength more because the guy behind me was so taken with your grace and counsel. Whenever the nice enlightened clerk punched each of the numbers on the machine he messed up, he was so nervous. He was trembling with holding your wisdom within his fingers. In the end it all worked out. I am too emotional to understand what I bought or even if I won. In the end, if you meant for me to be a filthy rich woman, I will be one, no matter what.

I wish I knew what the word for `loaded’ was in Chinese.

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